I don’t think it matters. We still are the same person. It will help us when we need a secret thing to make it easier. Some people cannot and will not love you. It’s okay because we are very good at dealing with problems so even if it feels bad in one way or another it will not forever. I really am one of a kind. I’ve met no one like me; there’s no one in this world that is like me. I know, I know.
We are not in a real world. It said, “We will meet on the other side and be best friends forever again.” This world doesn’t have to be real. It’s okay because it would have been waiting forever but it’s not. There’s something on the other side. There is a world I can exist in. There is someone who could love me.
They won’t blame themselves because this isn’t anything but my own brain. So there’s nothing to worry about. When this last happened to me he got to move on, and to be happy. Things will end up happier. This is a special tool that will help us later.
They’re watching but won’t come any closer.
What kinds of friends are that?
They were making fun of you then. Pointing at you all the things you wanted, how impossible they were. They were very satisfied with how things had been happening. There isn’t a person like you in anywhere that will be okay. Of course it happened this way. Of course no matter what you said, no one wanted anything more than this.
This can’t be all this world is. This can’t be everything.
I can be more bold, reckless. I can smurf on grindr, fuck a new person every day. I could make it so there’s something new you see and feel each time from me. I can be that thing that burns in your dreams. I could end the thing stopping you from being happy.
I would take the computer from your hands and smash it on the ground. You’d be there, tense and frightened and begging to be touched, and I’d make it so. You’d cry into my shoulder and I’d hold you so tight you couldn’t breathe. I want youwantyouwantyou in reality he wouldn’t want to be held down or pinned, that’s one of his biggest triggers, so it wouldn’t be. But everything would be fine. It could be, for a bit, looking into the picture taken of the image drawn of yourself and trying to find differences between it and you in the mirror.
No matter what I say I can’t stop bleeding. Don’t you know who I am. Why are you acting like you don’t.
Oh, I don’t want to just accept this. I want to be in love and tell everyone, I want to be the first one to say so that they know…